A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - another great discussion

Maybe it was the serene, sleek and elegant setting, maybe it was the yummy food, maybe it was just the book but we had another long, deep and fascinating discussion. Thanks to our hostess Lynn, whose house is just as beautiful and stylish as it is comfortable and welcoming. She also made a killer app, as in appetizer, with asparagus on puff pastry. They were stylish too, of course. Thanks to everyone who brought wonderful food and even better insights and observations.

So what did we say? First of all, this is a beloved book and we all enjoyed it. Some of us had read it many, many years ago and it resonated in a personal way through all that time. I read it for the first time last year, when I was lucky enough to end up with it in our Christmas Book Swap (thanks Carol!) and also loved it.

Something about the relatively straight-forward writing style and the endurance of the characters kept it from being a depressing tome of overcoming hardship, at least sort of. The story is a testament to Francie's and in fact her mother Katie's determination to improve their lives, and if that is not possible, at least improve their children's lives.

Most of our discussion revolved around the relationships and how they reflect patterns in many stories, including our own. Katie's obvious preference for her son, Neelie, kicked off most of the discussion. Why are sons so often favored by their mothers? Why are fathers given a bye when mothers are held up to scrutiny and judgement by their children and the wider world.

We had no answers of course. Dawn made an interesting point, supported by her observations at work, watching mothers and children in the horse world. She felt that perhaps it was that Francie was capable and motivated and Katie knew it, so Katie made it easier for Neelie because he needed help. This was shown directly when Katie chose to send Neelie to school rather than Francie because she felt Neelie had to be forced to get an education while Francie would find a way on her own because Francie wanted it so much.

It is one thing to favor with resources and another with an emotional connection and in this too, Katie obviously favored Neelie. We talked at some length about the relationships with mothers and sons, sharing personal stories, very interesting. The upshot was yes, boys and men get more love and support. And yes, they need it because they are not able to make things work the way girls and women have to. Like Katie, they have no choice except to make it work however they can, while so often men can just wander off and do what is easy for them, like Johnnie getting drunk rather than earning money to support his family. He couldn't cope with the burden of supporting his family so Katie had to find a way.

That led to another discussion, another theme in the book and in life. Why do women stay with these men and why don't they stop loving them? Somehow, these talented, hapless and destructive men earn and keep the adoration of their daughters and wives, like Francie and Katie, and yet make all their lives miserable. Of course, at the time, in the early 1900's, divorce was not much of an option, and in fact that was true way into the century, into our lifetimes. And so, Dawn felt,  women were disappointed in their husbands and fathers, but did not stop loving them.

Another thing that came out of the book was the progress across the generations. Katie's mother saved money on the sly in order to have something to handle emergencies and opportunities, giving Katie a slightly better life and a model to follow. Katie then slaved to exhaustion and gave Francie and Neelie a chance. While any one life can make great leaps in circumstance, it is more often the starting point that allows progress over the generations.

Thanks all for a fun and engaging evening, in an idyllic setting. Lynn, can I move in?

Our next book is The Tenth of December by George Saunders. This is a really great set of short stories, I can't wait to hear the discussion! We are meeting on July 14, at 6:30pm. I have in my notes that we are at Julie's, is that the case? If not, we can come to my house, I will confirm and let you know.

See you all then!